


Don’t leave me behind

by 0nevermindthen3



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Flashbacks, M/M, Multi, Sam Wilson is So Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:29:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30124935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0nevermindthen3/pseuds/0nevermindthen3
Summary: How can he even explain he thinks, there are not enough words to explain what Steve means to him. His friend, his brother in arms, his savior and then his home.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Don’t leave me behind

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my darling Joseph, a stucky warrior.

“You can’t call me that” and it isn’t until Sam looks at him confused that he realizes he has even spoken, but words are too heavy on his mind to repress them.

“Steve had a plan” he replies and the memories press harder to even try to make sense. Yeah he thinks hysterical the only plan he ever made was punch his way out of anything, and how did that turn out punk.

 _Pretty great buck Steve says smiling with blood on his teeth_.

The memory hits him and then slips far away, and for a moment he is terrified of forgetting it.

“I have a plan” Sam replies unaware of his internal turmoil as he jumps out of the airplane. To annoy him perhaps but he only feels relief to end the conversation, he would rather get that from him than pity.

* * *

His mind is better now thanks to Shuri and the wonders of Wakanda’s technology but as he lays on the ground with his heavier arm recalibrating quietly besides him he can still feel the hushed gaps of his mind, cutting and sharp but still somehow gentle. _Even after all what has happened I’m still myself._

A leaf from the tree that broke his fall, sets on his face and he is momentarily blinded by the shock in his limbs, the freezing dread in his chest and Steve’s shocked face getting smaller and smaller until the only thing he can see is white nothingness.

He gasps loudly as he sees the shield, hope threatening to overwhelm him and then-

“Hey you okay cyborg?” And it all comes back to him, shocking him to his core. Sam face startles him into reality, the gentle breeze lifts the leaf until it fades away from his vision.

 _I’m so tired of falling_ he thinks. He nods and quickly gets up from the uneven ground. _I’m so tired of falling_ he thinks again as he follows Sam’s footsteps and his quiet chatter. 

* * *

“Nah Sergeant Barnes your brain is alright now, don’t you trust my genius” Shuri would say to him as they worked together in her lab for his recovery. She would weekly select the best sci-fi books for him to read meanwhile she monitored his brain activity. Happy and focused they would make progress, with Shuri’s cheerful smile and the gentle disposition of her lab assistants he would forget the panic altogether.

Steve would read him Asimov books at night to help him sleep and he would re-read them in the lab with Shuri, the adventures of the little lost robot with the girl who loved a machine, letting himself fall into that far away world that seemed not so different from the wonders of the future he was in.

“You won’t forget again James” Natalia no, Natasha would say to him as she bid her goodbyes to her team, to Steve who somehow still didn’t know how to hug with his new body.

Sure he would say to her feeling calm and happy in that moment, but he would hurry to write down the old memories away in his notebook all the same, late in his room where no one could see him.  
  


* * *

Sam wouldn’t get it, he thinks but he knows its a small attempt to not to talk about it. Sam was a counselor after all, for all that Shuri tried to help him there were things too ugly, too damaged to be outspoken but Sam was a soldier, an Avenger who turned his whole life upside down to follow him. _Him_. Just like he did.

 _Oh god, how much I miss you Steve_.

How can he even explain he thinks, there are not enough words to explain what Steve means to him his friend, _his brother in arms, his savior and then his_ _home_.

Would Sam understand? that the person who used to be his whole world is not there anymore. The sleepless nights lost in the memories of a life that didn’t seem like his own, of his name tasting sweet in someone else mouth.

Steve knew me longer, he thinks or speaks he isn’t so sure anymore, he does not think anyone could ever be what steve means to him.  
  
When they head back he doesn’t look at Sam but he feels the weight of his eyes on him all over the apartment and as soon as he is alone he breaths out slowly, picking up his backpack and retrieving the battered leather notebook to write down the memory that resurfaced in the plane.

 _And Steve would look at me smiling brightly as he always did, unconcerned by his blood stained teeth and the bruise forming under his left eye. Pretty great buck he would say, looking at me so full of pride and something else that neither of us spoke but it flew between us like a warm thread. Pretty great we would repeat before closing the distance between us and seconds later the taste of copper would make itself known in my mouth. Golden hair all_ _what_ _I could see._

I miss you, across time and the impossible. 

Come back to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Endgame Steve? I don't know him


End file.
